Phase 3 and frustrations

Day one of 43

Weight:  250
This is the first loading day which is always a little fearful because of the magnitude of fatty foods consumed over a two-day period.  When they say gorge they mean GORGE.  It takes work.  It is not fun, it's horrifying and hard to constantly stuff myself with food, fatty foods.  My confidence takes a dive during this phase.  It's humiliating and I say and feel stuff that I want to purge later.  It is not fun.
Since my confidence is plunging I had these awful thoughts this evening.  I need a desk to sit at and I want a pretty desk; not one that was found at the dump or in the alley.  So I had this bright idea of building one using some of the wonderful lumber at our shop.  I questioned my husband about the lumber and how I might build a table and he completely shot me down.  So here comes the awful thought:  if the love of his life had brought this up (my best friend) he would have built a most beautiful desk by himself, secretly, and given it to her.
Now, until today I had thought that I had gotten beyond this and my more sensible side realizes he's just tired of carpentry and doesn't want another project.  BUT that awful little thought just isn't leaving.  I am journaling my awful thought in the hope that I may purge it tonight. 
Maybe the HCG drops I just started have made me hormonally psychotic. 
Here's the second awful thought:  My husband wants to spend my 50th with his family who have kind of shunned me.  I think I will get the hotel room, he can visit his family and I can spend time with my lovely sister and nieces.  This works.  I like this idea.  What to do with the dog though?