Will

This evening I discovered, after poking a needle into my husband's arm 7 times, that I need a strong will also.  I don't know what went wrong.  I had been doing so well.  Only one try and we'd have the IV up and running strong.  Not this evening. 
Maybe it was because I am exhausted.  This morning I thought I would just go in and make changes from the attorney, print out documents, tell clients their doc's were done and close down the office.  NOT.  Big conversations with my supervisor.  He's got big things in the works (always) and is trying to include me in as many of them as possible.  I think this is to give me the experience I will need to have a better chance of landing the assistant's job (whenever the gov comes up with the funding).  So I told him that the slowness is not a problem for me and that I couldn't handle a full time job right now.
I can't even handle the day to day stuff like laundry, mowing the yard, getting the irrigation system up and running, fertilizing plants and vacuuming.  Just one thing at a time I guess.  and the cooking, cleaning, bill paying.
I know I sleep at night because I don't remember being awake, but I'm just so damned TIRED all the time.  I'm taking lots of vitamins and some adrenal support the NP gave me, but nothing seems to make a difference.  Or maybe I would be more exhausted without it.
I have to get my portfolio put together for a meeting Friday.  I have to help open up the summer people's complex of houses.  Although, I may be able to just pass on that one all together even though my partner is afraid of doing it alone.  My mother-in-law and her super religious husband are going to be here for 3 days next week, even though her daughter was providing another house for them to stay in.  Shit, maybe I'll go stay there!
But back to poking my poor husband 7 times.  That just about sent me over the edge.  I'm close to tears.  He's ill and sore and sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I don't know what to cook for him any more.  He's lost heart and I realize that it's up to me to....well I don't know.  Time to back off a little.
I just keep saying, "I just have to get through this week", but I've been saying that since Christmas.  I realize that I have to make some decisions like either making the trip to Butte every day and letting the doc stick him only once or having hospice come over and do it, but he's going to fight me on this and I'm going to have to stick up for my own sanity. 
Enough of this.  It's evening and I'm always morose during the evening hours.  Time to go to bed and read my book for a while.  With the window open.  It's a steam house in here.  What kind of a person complains about the chilled, cancer patient anyway?  Ha!  Time to escape in fiction.......